Thursday, April 23, 2009

Not so Happy Birthday to me!

Today has been an awful b-day, and it is only 1:30. This morning I woke up bleeding, and immediately phoned my doctor. The nurse told me to come in right away, so my wonderful sisters and mother took care of the little girls and off I went. After an ultrasound,blood work, and a pelvic exam, I did indeed miscarry. All I could do was sit there and cry. Bill is in Florida, so I had to phone my husband and tell him that we had lost the baby. I am so sad. I was shocked about this pregnancy, but I was also very happy. I know I have been blessed with 4 beautiful healthy girls, but my heart still hurts, and it leaves me so confused! I didn't realize how much I really wanted another baby. Do I maybe try again later, or is this God letting me know, that maybe I need to be done? I wish he had an audible voice.

56 comments:

Tamara Ann said...

I want to say that God will get you through this, and He will, but I know that doesn't lessen your hurt and sorrow any. And for that, I am so sorry.

USCEmily said...

I'm so sorry to hear this- continue to trust in God and he'll provide for you what he thinks you need! Just remember God only give us as much as He thinks we can handle.
I hope that you are able to enjoy your birthday after the shock and sadness of this wears off.

Amanda said...

Thinking of you and so sorry for your loss.

Kristin @ Blue Skies said...

My heart is so sad for you. Praying for you and your family.

Love Being a Nonny said...

Having four beautiful girls doesn't make this any less sad. I am so very sorry. In time, He will let you know. Praying for peace for you.

2 Little Irish Boys said...

I am so sorry for you. As I started to read this post, I was already praying that this wasn't gonna happen. I could tell through your blog how excited you were-prayers to you and your family!!

LyndsAU said...

Bless your heart! I am so sorry!! I can't imagine what you are going through. You are in my prayers sweetie!! God will get you through this and He will guide you so that His will be done!

Mrs. Dwiggins said...

I'm so sorry for your loss!!! You and your family will be in our prayers...

Alyson said...

I am so sorry, for your loss. I hate that it happened on your birthday. You are in our prayers.

Alyson

Mrs. Newlywed said...

I am so sorry. Please know my prayers are with you and your family.

Melissa said...

I am so sorry.
God will be there for you through this. It is all in his plan. My little sister was a miracle baby conceived while my mom was on birth control. If you are meant to have another baby, God will make it known.

Praying for you and that beautiful family.

1 Hot Dish said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Two Little Lambs said...

I am so sorry to hear your sad news! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Kellie said...

So sorry for your loss - keeping praying and trusting...he will show you the way!!!!

Three under Three said...

I am so sorry. Your mixed emotions and questions are completely normal. Your in my thoughts and prayers!

pink green & southern said...

I am so, so sorry, sweetie. You are in my prayers.

LeighAnne said...

Oh sweetie I am so sorry. In time, the Lord will show you the path he has for you and your husband concerning more children. Praying for your sweet heart and your family.

Tickled Pink Talk said...

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. Peace.

Executive Momma said...

Oh my. I am so sorry my sweet one. Praying for you!

Momofgirls said...

I am so sorry, I have known that pain, 3 times.
Just know that God is in control and has His ultimate plan for our lives. EVERYTHING is meant for our good, but I know this is hard to understand.

I will be praying for you and your family, I am so sorry.

Angie said...

I am so sorry!! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you have your Mom and sisters to comfort you during this time.

Jenny said...

I am so.........sorry!!!! I know exactly what you are going through! Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!!!

Stephanie said...

I am so, so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts.

Montee said...

So sorry to hear about this. My son, Brett, is a surviving twin. I understand you being happy also because you have your other girls. While Brett's twin did not survive, we had Brett to concentrate on because he had kidney issues. We also had a beautiful daughter. God will somehow let you know what He has planned for you.

☆ Loren ☆ said...

My heart and prayers go out to you!

Allison said...

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. ((HUGS))

(and yes, this is my first time to leave a comment and I hate that it had to be this one.)

Jodee Leader said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Elise said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.

Amanda-The Family News! said...

Oh sweetie....i am so so sorry. My heart does truly break for you. I really do wish I had words but just know I am thinking of you...

The B's said...

Oh my, I am so so sorry. We are praying for you as you seek His will and as you go through this awfully painful time! You're in our prayers!

Paige said...

God will see you through this. You have a beautiful family. You are in my prayers.

ACC-mom said...

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Cheryl said...

Peace and comfort to you - that is my prayer for you as you walk through this sad time. When I miscarried I found so much peace, comfort and understanding in Psalms 139!

Evie's Story said...

My heart is just aching for you! Anyone who has ever experienced a miscarriage knows how your mother's heart bonds immediately to your wee one inside. I am so sorry for you loss and praying peace and comfort for you!

carolinagirl said...

Oh, I am so sorry! That is such horrible news and my heart is aching for you and your family! I am so sorry that it had to happen on your birthday.

Hang in there. Love on your girls! You and your husband will figure out what's best for you guys!

Prouts said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, may you find comfort in the Lord and trust in his plan.

Misty said...

I am so sorry to here this, everything that happens does so for a reason. We are living Gods life so he will lead you in the right direction and take care of you.

Bridget said...

So, so sorry! God loves you so much and he will see you through this. I am praying for you and your family. I say pray about trying again he will let you know. Jeremiah 29:11 (((hugs)))

Johnson Party of seven! said...

Oh sweetie! I am sooooo sorry. When David and I found out we were pregnant with Hutton, we too were shocked. I cried every day for a week. I thought I was done having babies. Then I got excited and my kids were so excited too. Then they told us she would not live. I was DEVESTATED. It doesn't matter how many you already have or the fact that you thought you were done- it is your child and you lost him or her. period. Its devestating. Praying for a peace that passes all understanding to blanket you. I am so sorry.

Polka Dots & Protein Bars said...

I am so sincerely had to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this painful time.

Felicia said...

I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts and prayers and may God comfort you at this time. Sending you big hugs!

Brandi said...

So sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our prayers.

Amanda said...

Sorry about the sad news. :( Good things will come up soon. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Diana

Susan said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss...of course we never know why these things happen but I do believe everything happens for a reason. God is so good and He is in control. You are precious to Him and He knows what is best for you and your family. Leave it at His feet...I will keep your family in my prayers. Again, I am so sorry. I'm sorry your birthday was so sad...happy belated birthday...

pinkpolkadotaa said...

I am so sorry, I can't even think of the right words to say... You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care.

DylKat said...

So very sorry for your loss. Wishing you lots of prayer and comfort right now.
~Holly

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss.
You and your family are in my prayers.

Jenny

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss.
You and your family are in my prayers.

Jenny

Johnson Party of seven! said...

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you! Hope you are "okay"...all things considered. Sending hugs and love your way!

melissa said...

My heart truly goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you and your family. May God continue to bless you all and may He give you comfort and peace at this difficult time.

xoxo
melissa

Kristi said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Jill said...

Oh my goodness... my heart just broke when I read this post. I'm so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers.

Shannon said...

I agree with Love Being A Nonny. No matter how many you have living it will always hurts to have a pregnancy loss. I have four children and have had two losses. It really made me want babies more. Having another child will be scarey, but it would also help the healing. You have to decide those things. For me I am just now starting to really see why God allowed me to go through those trial. It has made me truly realize that children are a blessing from God (always).... even when you lose them. It may be hard to see this right now, but I would not trade those moments of joy for the pain I had to go through. With my second loss I was 20 weeks and I thoroughly enjoyed those weeks that I knew!! I was overjoyed... and then, I got the news, but NO ONE knows the joys that tiny baby gave me during it's short time in my belly.

My first pregnancy loss (which was my 2nd pregnancy) at about 6 weeks happened on Thanksgiving five years ago. I have to say that I have CHOSEN in my heart to keep the two seperate. Now, I won't ever forget, but for me I choose to be thankful on Thanksgiving for what the Lord has given me and not focus on what has been taken away. Does that make sense? To drive that point home I think God allowed my child from my third pregnancy to be born on my Daddy's birthday. Obviously, my daddy can't live forever, but that will not mean I will stop celebrating my daughter's birth. Don't quit celebrating YOUR BIRTHDAY. Choose to focus on what God has allowed. Next year when your b-day comes try not to focus all your thoughts on your loss, but rather on that God has allowed you to have another year with your family here on this earth. It will be hard. It will never be a wonderful thing. If you search your heart you can find the strength to focus on the joy you had for that tiny baby and the joy you have for the your living children. I hope this can comfort you in some small way and not upset you in any way. Time will heal... the amount of time varies for us all. I can promise you this... if you CAN focus on the joy it will heal sooner... focus... focus on the joy that baby has already brought you.

GUAMtastic said...

So sorry friend. Thinking about you and praying for you.